Finally
by wintershine
Summary: Big Time Concert AU. By the time James wants to return to BTR, it's too late- he's signed a contract with Hawk and there's no getting out of it. The separation from his friends makes him realize his feelings for Carlos, and the two are forced to hide their relationship as Hawk forbids James from having anything to do with BTR. One-shot. Done by request.


"Hawk, this is ridiculous! I don't want to release an album under the name 'Jamez', and I don't need you to photoshop my posters and fake my vocals! I want to be a singer, not a Barbie doll!"

Hawk laughed and crossed his arms casually, his nonchalance only serving to further irritate the boy standing before him. "James, you are under _my _management now, and you will do what I say, when I say it, no questions asked."

"Okay, you know what? This was a mistake. I'm out of here. I'll go back to Rocque Records."

"Sorry, James, but you have signed a contract, and there's nothing you can do about it now. I own you for three albums, Diamond, and if you record with another label during that time, I will sue you for everything you're worth."

James' jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But Hawk—"

"No 'buts.' You thought you could just waltz right out of here and back to Big Time Rush just because you felt like it? That I'd let you out of your contract out of the goodness of my heart? Think again. Besides, Big Time Rush has already begun the process of replacing you. Some friends they turned out to be, huh? Now get out of my studio and go back to your apartment at the Palm Woods until I call you. I have a lot of work to do."

James sighed and allowed Sebastian, his new butler, to guide him out of the room and into the limo that was waiting downstairs. The ride back to the Palm Woods silent as James contemplated his predicament. He hated knowing that there was no way out of the mess he'd gotten himself into, and he hated knowing that if he had only stopped to consider everything before making such a huge decision, he wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

His new apartment at the Palm Woods was filled with everything a teenage boy could want—state of the art stereo and gaming systems to go with his huge new flat-screen TV, a wait staff to take care of his every need from cooking to laundry and cleaning… he even had Sebastian, who could drive him anywhere he wanted or needed to go at any time of day or night.

Nothing was missing… right?

It was just… a bit lonely. But James shook his head to clear those thoughts away. They were trying to replace him? Fine. He'd show them. He didn't need them or anyone else to make his dreams come true.

As soon as the other boys entered his mind, there was a loud banging on the door to his apartment. Sebastian opened it, and Kendall, Logan, and Carlos all stormed inside.

"James, what is this? What's going on?" Kendall demanded. "You're living here again? You came back with Hawk?"

"And what happened to the apartment?" Carlos wanted to know.

"Hawk signed me to a three album deal," James told them. "He set me up with the new apartment and everything."

"But we're putting the band back together," Kendall protested. "You're really going to record with Hawk?"

"Look, if I remember correctly, you were the one who told me to get real and move on with my life. You were going to become a pro hockey player before BTR, right? And Logan was going to be a doctor. And me? I was always going to be a performer. And now I'm making it happen. Besides, I know you guys already started looking for a new member."

"Okay, I was mad when I said you needed to get real! We shouldn't have broken up the band, and we'll call off the search for a new member if you come back to Rocque Records with us! You're our best friend, James, and we promised to always stick together. We're sorry."

"So what do you say?" Logan asked. "Will you come back with us?"

James hesitated. "Look, the truth is… I can't. I have a contract that I can't get out of. I'm sorry, too, but there's nothing I can do."

The three boys stared at him, lost for words.

"Okay. Fine. Come on, guys. Let's get out of here," Kendall said.

He turned to leave and Logan followed suit, giving James an apologetic look as he left. Carlos remained behind, biting his lip before stepping forward quickly and hugging James tightly for a few seconds.

"We're gonna miss you, James. Good luck with.. everything, okay?"

James nodded, returning the embrace, his throat feeling oddly tight. "Thanks, buddy. Good luck to you, too."

* * *

"Unacceptable!" Hawk shouted, upon finding out that James had allowed his former bandmates into his apartment.

"They're my friends!" James yelled right back at him. "You can't do this to me!"

"I can do anything I want, Diamond, you seem to keep forgetting that detail. I will not have you associating with the enemy!"

"This is ridiculous," James spat. "You can fake my vocals and my pictures all you want, but you can't tell me who my friends are!"

"I can, and I will," Hawk told him. "This stops now. I forbid you from seeing them. You may not visit or speak to or otherwise contact at all _anyone _associated with Rocque Records."

"You _what?_"

"You heard me. Now get in the booth. I want to get this demo done today."

Seething, James did as he was told, putting on his headphones and singing the song Hawk had written for him.

It wasn't a bad song, if he was honest. But it was weird to have to do this alone.

* * *

Three weeks later, James sat alone in his apartment, wishing he could see what the boys were up to. He had heard that their first concert as a trio had been a huge success, and Griffin had decided to start funding them again. They were even living at Palm Woods, on a different floor, but Hawk had kept him so busy that he hadn't had time to sneak away to try to talk to them.

His own first performance as a solo artist was coming up soon, so he was focusing all of his effort and attention on trying to make sure everything would be perfect. Thankfully, he had been able to talk Hawk out of renaming him "Jamez" and the preparations were going as smoothly as could be expected. The songs he was being given were good, and they suited his voice well, and he had to admit, the perks of being a solo act weren't all that bad.

Hawk released one of James' singles to the radio, and he was getting a lot of good buzz on it leading up to his show. But every single time he called in to do an interview on the air, the question everyone wanted to know was why he left Big Time Rush. Rumors were flying that it was because he'd had a fight with Kendall, or Gustavo had finally pushed him too far, or CEO Arthur Griffin had given one too many crazy demands.

"No, nothing like that," James assured them each time. "I did have maybe a small argument with Kendall, but we've known each other our whole lives—it's bound to happen from time to time. The truth is, we didn't know if Big Time Rush was going to be able to continue, and it really didn't look good. So rather than give up on my career, I decided to move to Hawk Records. Those guys… they're still my friends and I wish them all the best."

* * *

"Why are you listening to that?" Kendall asked Carlos as he clicked the radio off.

"I dunno," Carlos shrugged. "I haven't heard from James at all. I want to know how he's doing. Don't you think it's weird that we live in the same building and we haven't seen James once?"

"No. If he wanted see us, he knows where to find us."

"Kendall," Carlos whined. "I miss him."

Kendall sighed. "I know. Look, I miss him too, Carlos."

Carlos shook his head. "You don't get it, Kendall. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, okay? But you really don't get how I feel about it. You and Logan are my buddies, and I love you guys but…"

"I know what you mean. Logan and I are your friends, but we know that you're closest to James."

"It just doesn't feel right doing this without him. We wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for him. It doesn't seem fair."

"Everything's gonna work out, alright? James is doing just fine over at Hawk Records."

* * *

On the night of his performance, James was a nervous wreck. It wasn't a huge venue or anything, but he was still having a hard time believing that he was about to go on stage by himself. He'd spent so much time preparing for this moment with his friends, that it seemed unreal that he would be singing without them.

When the lights dimmed and he walked out onto the stage, his heart pounding loudly in his hears, he was unable to see anything past the first few rows. The bright spotlights blinded him to almost everything, but he had rehearsed his routine for hours upon hours—he could have done it with eyes closed.

Applause erupted as he finished his first song, and James took a second to grin at the crowd, doing a double take when he saw who was in the first row, cheering as loudly as everyone else.

Carlos waved at him and James ginned back, feeling better about his performance already.

When the last song was over and he stepped offstage, James was ushered away by his handlers to sign autographs and take pictures with fans, though all he really wanted to do was go find Carlos, because if he knew his best friend, Carlos would hang around for a while waiting to talk to him.

Sighing, James took out his phone and sent Carlos a text.

_2J. Midnight. Come alone and don't let anyone see you! _

At 11:50, Carlos sat up in bed, listening for any signs of life coming from the apartment. He could hear Kendall snoring in the next room, and knew that he and Logan must be sleeping soundly. He was thankful for the first time since James had left that he had his own room now, because it would make it that much easier to sneak out unnoticed.

He crept out into the hall quietly, holding his breath until the door was shut tightly behind him. No one was wandering the halls and he made down to James' place without running into anyone. Carlos had barely raised his hand to knock when the door opened and James pulled him inside.

"Did anyone see you?"

Carlos shook his head. "No. What's going on? Why all the secrecy?"

James relaxed. "Hawk says I'm not allowed to see you guys or talk to you anymore."

"What?"

"He says you're the enemy now and I have to do what he says or it'll be a breach of my contract."

Carlos fell silent for a moment. "Your show was really good."

"Thanks. I wanted to find you after, but they wouldn't let me…"

"It's okay."

"I, um… I miss you. Kendall and Logan, too. But… mostly you, to be honest," James said, looking away. Realizing they were still standing in the doorway, James led Carlos into the living room so they could sit down. His palms were sweaty, as if he was nervous… but why should he be nervous? It was only Carlos. His best friend. Someone he had known for years… The one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

"I miss you too, James. Nothing's the same without you. The choreography and the harmonies are all screwed up with just the three of us. I wish you could come back."

James tried not to feel too disappointed that Carlos only wanted him back because of the group.

Carlos stayed awhile longer, the two boys talking and laughing and catching up, relieved that even though they had to meet in secret, they had a chance to be themselves again.

Finally, when it was nearly 2 am, Carlos yawned widely.

"You'd better go before it gets any later," James said. "I don't want you to get in trouble for sneaking out."

"And I don't want _you _to get in trouble for fraternizing with the enemy," Carlos grinned back, standing up and stretching.

James walked him to the door. "Bye, Carlos."

"Bye."

Carlos looked up at him, hesitating slightly, as if stalling for time. He didn't really know what he was waiting for, exactly, but he did know that he wasn't ready to leave yet. But before he could process what this meant, James wrapped his arms around the smaller boy tightly, pulling him in for a hug that lasted longer than was strictly necessary. It was comforting, being there in his arms, the closeness of their bodies feeling neither awkward nor unwelcome. Carlos closed his eyes, holding on to James like his life depended on it.

James didn't know what came over him—at least, that's what he would tell himself in the hours followed—but when he felt Carlos close his arms around his waist, something in his brain clicked. And without stopping to think about what it meant or how Carlos would feel about, James acted. He looked down at Carlos and gently tilted his chin up, leaning to press a soft, slow kiss to his lips. He could feel Carlos tense up and in a moment of panic—_shit shit shit what am I doing?—_James pulled away. Before he could start stuttering out apologies, Carlos grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him forward again, his hand running up around James' neck to beckon him back down to his level. This time, Carlos kissed James back, parting his lips so that James could slip his tongue inside his mouth smoothly.

When the need for air became too strong to ignore, the boys broke away from each other, inhaling deeply.

"S-sorry," James said. "I don't know where that came from—I just—"

"Don't apologize," Carlos interrupted him. "It's fine. It—it wasn't just you."

* * *

Carlos snuck back into his apartment with no problems. He went to bed bursting to tell someone what had happened… but if he thought about it, the person he most wanted to talk about it with had been the other participant.

* * *

Three days later, James turned on his laptop and his jaw dropped when the headline to his favorite gossip blog announced that Big Time Rush would be going on their first headlining tour, leaving in two weeks.

He told himself that this was a good thing. Carlos and the other guys deserved it.

When he went into the studio that day, Hawk informed him that he would soon be departing on his own tour. James raised his eyebrows.

"Really?"

Hawk nodded. "You're nearly ready, James. Your album is coming along nicely, there's a lot of good buzz about you, and we have to get you out there before people start forgetting about you. We need to capitalize on the publicity of you leaving BTR and joining a rival label."

James cringed. "But—I mean, shouldn't we focus on my songs and not on what rumors people are spreading about me?"

"James, being successful in the music industry is twenty-five percent good music, thirty five percent good management, and forty percent media coverage including but not limited to dating rumors, feud rumors, who you're seen with, and how many times you get arrested."

Rolling his eyes, James ignored the comment and asked his next question. "When do I leave?"

"Six weeks."

James waited, fidgeting nervously as he watched the clock on his wall tick the seconds agonizingly slowly. Carlos was leaving in the morning with the other boys for tour, but he had agreed to sneak out again to meet James to say good bye. He'd be gone for over two months, and when he got back, James would be gone on his own tour.

At exactly midnight, Carlos let himself into the apartment, and James crossed the room quickly to hug him tightly.

"Hey. You made it."

"Yeah. Logan stayed up reading longer than I thought he would. But it's okay, no one heard me leave."

"I'm gonna miss you," James said. "I mean, I know I don't see you that often as it is…"

"Me too," Carlos replied, biting his lip. He slipped his hand into James' and grasped it tightly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"We have to leave kind of early, but… is it okay if I stay here tonight? I'll leave early enough to get back into our apartment without anyone noticing I was gone."

James nodded. The two of them lay on the couch together, Carlos resting his head on James' shoulder, neither boy saying much as they held each other and occasionally kissed. He didn't know what time he finally fell asleep, but all too soon, the alarm clock on Carlos' phone jolted them both from their slumber.

Carlos turned it off groggily, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he sat up.

"This sucks," were his first words of the morning.

"No," James said. "You're gonna have an awesome time, okay? Your tour is gonna be huge and you'll have girls throwing themselves at you left and right."

"That doesn't matter," Carlos told him. "I don't want them. I just want to be with you."

James swallowed a lump in his throat. "Have fun, okay? Text me whenever you can."

"I will. Promise."

Carlos headed out the door but before he closed it, James called out to him. "Hey, Carlos!"

He turned back to look at James. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Carlos grinned and ran back to James, jumping into his arms and kissing him hard on the mouth. James lifted him easily, smiling into the kiss.

"I love you, too."

* * *

_(four months later)_

It had been a grueling tour, but it had been _so _worth it. He'd met so many amazing fans and made friends with his backup band and he'd even started to enjoy being lulled to sleep every night by the sound of the wheels turning beneath him.

James arrived to the Palm Woods, his towing his suitcase behind him, ready to step back into his apartment and sleep in his own bed and have a meal that didn't come from an instant package.

But as much as he missed those things… there was something else he missed even more.

He grinned as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, knowing without looking who it was.

_Tonight? _The message read.

_Midnight, _James typed back.

* * *

Carlos pulled his cap lower on his head, while James adjusted his dark sunglasses in the front seat of the new car he'd bought with the bonus Hawk had given him for his album sales doing so well. The windows were tinted as dark as was legally allowed, but he was still glancing around every few seconds, making sure no one was watching them.

"This sucks," James griped. "We can't even go into a damn burger joint without worrying about someone seeing and it getting back to Hawk."

Carlos covered James' hand with his own, then popped a fry into his mouth. "It doesn't matter, James. As long as we get to spend time together."

* * *

_(two years later)_

"Alright, cut it! That's a wrap, James!"

Grinning widely, James took off his headphones and stepped out of the recording booth. "Really?"

"Yep," Hawk said. "Your third album is ready. I want to set up a business meeting soon, to talk about extending your contract—"

"No way," James said immediately.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, Hawk, I know things were rough in the beginning—actually, no, I _hated _you in the beginning, but you really did help my career take off, and I'm really grateful for that. But I've fulfilled my obligations to Hawk Records, and as soon as this album is released, I'm looking forward to pursuing other opportunities."

"James, you're really going to throw all of this away—"

"I'm not throwing it away," he argued. "But I'm almost twenty years old, I have two Number 1 albums—three, if this one's even half as successful as the others—and yet you keep me under your thumb like I'm some dumb teenager. So thank you for everything, but once it's released, I'm a free agent."

Hawk stared at James, at a loss for words, and James stared right back at him.

"If that's what you want," Hawk said, recovering. "You have a lot of press in the upcoming weeks. Just make sure you don't breathe a word about your intentions to leave the label. After the album comes out, we will release a statement."

"Of course."

"So, James, with the upcoming release of your third album, what can fans expect to see and hear this time around?"

James smiled at the interviewer. "Well, I think it's definitely a lot more mature than some of my other music. I got to do a lot more writing on this album and I had a bigger hand in a lot of the production, so this one is really personal for me. The fans are going to get a lot of insight into things I'm going through."

"What kinds of things? Any relationship drama?"

"A little bit," James laughed.

"Now, since we're on the subject, you know I have to ask. Are you currently seeing anyone?"

"Well," James hesitated. "Actually… can you keep a secret?"

The interviewer laughed into his microphone. "I can, but I can't give you any promises about the people listening at home."

James grinned. "Ah, well. The truth is, I _am _seeing someone. And it's been a little bit off and on for a while now, but we're finally to a good place again. Just don't ask me who it is!"

"Oh, come on! Just a hint?"

"No way."

"Ah, fine. But you heard it here first, folks! James Diamond is officially off the market! James, thanks for joining us today. Can't wait to hear the new album, and congratulations on all your success."

"Thanks so much for having me."

"And we're clear!" A production assistant shouted. "Off air."

James stood up and shook the interviewer's hand.

"Come on, James. I've been interviewing you for over two years now for this radio show. What's up with this relationship? Off the record."

"Sorry," James shook his head. "But, if it makes you feel better, I have a feeling that it won't stay private for very long."

* * *

On the morning of his album release, James checked his phone and saw that it was already number 1 on iTunes. He was set to have a huge party that night at Hawk Records, which would unofficially be his goodbye party, even though the only person besides Hawk who knew he was leaving the label was Carlos.

He had invited all three boys to the party, and he was both nervous and excited about seeing them. Carlos had assured him everything would be fine. It had been two years since he'd spent any time with Kendall or Logan, but the two boys knew about his relationship with Carlos and had done everything they could to help ensure the privacy of the couple.

Near the end of the night, James was expected to make a speech, so he took the stage, praying with all his might that he wouldn't regret what he was about to do.

"First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for coming out tonight. It's been a long road getting this album done, and all of your support means the world to me. I want to say thanks to all the writers and producers I worked with this year—you guys have helped me grow as an artist, and that's something I can never repay you for. I also want to say thank you to Hawk. It hasn't always been easy working here at Hawk Records, but if there's anything I've learned from you, it's to face everything head-on, to keep my eye on the prize, and never forget what I'm working for. And lastly, I'd like to address something. Rumors have been flying the last couple of weeks about the relationship I mentioned in my last interview. I just want thank that person for standing by this whole time, for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself, and for never letting me forget what's truly important in life."

The crowd applauded as James finished his speech. He put the microphone back on the stand and jumped off the stage, fully aware that the spotlight was still following him. He made a beeline to where Carlos was standing with Logan and Kendall, ignoring the people on his sides trying to congratulate him and pull him into conversations.

When he reached Carlos, who had a huge grin on his face, James pulled him into a kiss there in the middle of the room. He cupped Carlos' face with his hands, not caring about the explosion surrounding them as people took pictures and cheered.

"Thank you," James said, so that only Carlos could hear. "I never would have made it this far without you. And I'm sorry I left the band and joined Hawk in the first place."

"Don't be sorry for that," Carlos told him. James frowned in confusion. "If leaving the band is what it took for us to finally realize we belonged together, then I'd tell you to do it a hundred times over again. I'm just glad we finally stop hiding it."

"Me too."

"I love you, James Diamond."

James grinned and kissed him again quickly. "I love you, too."


End file.
